


Acceptance

by coagulationary



Category: Given (Anime), Given (Manga)
Genre: First Time, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Porn With Plot, Porn with Feelings, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-19
Updated: 2019-10-19
Packaged: 2020-12-23 20:01:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,096
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21086987
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coagulationary/pseuds/coagulationary
Summary: Ritsuka wants to be relied on. Anyone is fine, he just wants someone to rely on him. More than anything, he wants Mafuyu to rely on him.





	Acceptance

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Nitori_swims_rinstyle](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nitori_swims_rinstyle/gifts).

> Alternatively titled “I’m literally just projecting my frustration into my writing”. The description is based on a quote by Hiiragi that makes me cry every time I read it.

“Do you miss him?”

“Hm?”

“You know...him…?”

“Oh.”

Ritsuka and Mafuyu sat over the covers of Ritsuka’s bed, their legs draped over one another, Mafuyu’s head resting in the nook of Ritsuka’s shoulder. “I do sometimes.” 

“Guess that was a stupid question. Sorry for asking,” Ritsuka said, suddenly self-conscious. Of course his boyfriend missed his dead boyfriend.

“Don’t be, Uenoyama-kun,” Mafuyu said, removing his head from Ritsuka’s shoulder to look him in the eye. He gently caressed his cheek, the back of his hand sliding across the warm, soft skin of Ritsuka’s face. “It’s not a stupid question at all.”

Silence stood between them before Mafuyu spoke again. “He was kind, and thoughtful. Hiiragi says he was moody, but I don’t think so. He was my best friend.” He moved away from Ritsuka and hugged his legs. “It was a stupid fight. We didn’t talk for several days. Then…” He didn’t finish, only pulled his legs closer, body folding in on itself.

“You don’t have to continue,” Ritsuka said, placing a hand on Mafuyu’s shoulder.

“I miss him,” Mafuyu said quietly, pressing his face into his knees. “I’m sorry you have to deal with all this. 

Ritsuka removed his hand. “Deal with what?”

“Deal with...me. And all this baggage I’m carrying.” He did not speak for a long time, and when he did, his voice trembled. “I’m sorry, Uenoyama-kun.”

Frustration began to boil within Ritsuka. Here sitting next to him was this sad, mournful boy, holding so much grief and guilt in his fragile body. Ritsuka remembered his song and remembered the raw pain as he sang, remembered helping him as he staggered off the stage, exhausted. He remembered being so overcome with emotion that all he could do in that moment was kiss him. The wounds of Mafuyu’s heartbreak were still so fresh, and Ritsuka wanted to be the one to heal them.

“Don’t you dare,” he said. “Don’t you dare make that face like you’re going to cry all alone. Don’t you _dare,_ Mafuyu.”

“Uenoyama-kun—”

“No! I don’t want to hear it!” He didn’t realize how he had raised his voice until after he had done it. “Why can’t you see it, Mafuyu? Why can’t you see how badly I want to take care of you? Every time you make that face it tears a hole in my heart. I want you to rely on me, Mafuyu!” He couldn’t stop himself. He was overflowing. “I want you to rely on me because I love you!”

Time stopped. Mafuyu looked at him like a deer in the headlights, blinking his big brown eyes, and it was at that moment Ritsuka knew he had fucked up.

“You love me?”

_Shit shit shit shit shit shit SHIT!_

“I uh…” Ritsuka realized that he had never actually said the words out loud. He thought Mafuyu had already gotten the memo after he had kissed him after the live and went full dirtbrain after his confession. He didn’t feel like he needed to say it. There was no going back. “Yeah. Of course I do.”

Mafuyu smiled. “Good. Because I love you, too.”

Warmth coursed through Ritsuka’s body. He knew Mafuyu loved him; he told him so. But this was also the first time Mafuyu had used “love” instead of “like”. He surged forward and pressed his lips against Mafuyu’s, his hands cupping his damp cheeks. Mafuyu reciprocated, opening his mouth under Ritsuka’s, swiping his tongue over his bottom lip, eliciting a sharp gasp. They had made out before but never like this, Ritsuka’s hand sliding up the flank of Mafuyu’s body, Mafuyu’s hands stabilizing the back of his head so he couldn’t move. 

Ritsuka was the first to pull away. “Shit, sorry. I uh...I got caught in the moment,” he said. The sight in front of him was glorious, Mafuyu’s hair unkempt and his lips red and puffy. His cheeks were flushed, pupils blown, his breathing heavy and ragged. Ritsuka had never been more aroused in his life.

Mafuyu stroked his cheek. “You don’t have to apologize, Uenoyama-kun,” he said, pecking him on the lips. “I’d...like to continue, if that’s okay with you.”

Ritsuka’s body shut down. Outward he was calm, if not a little disheveled, but inward the many Ritsukas of his mind were reinstating their graduation party. _ This is it. It’s finally happening. _

He was snapped back to reality when Mafuyu waved his hand in front of his face. “Uenoyama-kun? You okay?”

“I’m, uh—yeah. I’m totally fine.” _ I am not totally fine_. “Are you sure?”

Mafuyu nodded. “Mm. But only if you are.”

Ritsuka leaned forward and kissed him, very lightly, holding back the sheer want that was eating him alive. “You have no idea how much I’ve thought about this,” he said. “But I, uh. I’m—you know.” His face burned. “I have no idea what I’m doing.” 

Mafuyu smiled. “I know. You’ve made that pretty obvious.” Then, after kissing his cheek,” I’ll help you.” 

Gently, ever so gently, Mafuyu kissed him, exchanging sweet, tender kisses that juxtaposed their earlier desperation. Mafuyu tugged Ritsuka’s shirt over his head and Ritsuka did the same, placing open-mouthed kisses onto his collarbone. Mafuyu tossed his head back and moaned, moving to straddle Ritsuka, and Ritsuka felt arousal shoot through his body. 

Mafuyu broke the kiss, placing a hand on Ritsuka’s sternum. “You have protection, right?” he asked, and Ritsuka nodded. 

“Top drawer,” he said. He would never admit that they were a birthday present from Akihiko, who had handed them to him after practice with a note that read ‘have fun Uesama ;)’. 

Mafuyu leaned over and grabbed the box of condoms and lube hidden under a pile of abandoned sheet music. “Do you want to be on top or bottom,” he asked, taking out a condom from the box. 

“Top, I guess,” Ritsuka said. “Unless you want to.” 

“I’m used to being on bottom, it’s okay.” 

Ritsuka felt a pang of jealousy. He was already shamefully jealous of Mafuyu’s breakout song being about his former boyfriend, and the _ last _ thing he wanted to think about was them having sex. It took patience for him to accept that he would never be Yuuki, would never be Mafuyu’s first love or his first kiss or his first time. But he wanted to be his last. 

Ritsuka placed his hands on Mafuyu’s hips, who shuddered at the contact. “Can I touch you?” he asked, his voice barely above a whisper. 

“Yeah,” Mafuyu said, placing Ritsuka’s hand on his chest. His heart was beating so fast; it rivaled Ritsuka’s own. He carefully guided Ritsuka’s hand until it was over his lower abdomen and used his other hand to undo his belt, tossing it over the side of the bed, and his pants followed. 

“Here. Touch me here.” Mafuyu placed Ritsuka’s hands over his boxers, and Ritsuka hesitantly began to stroke him above the thin fabric. He was hard, painfully so, Ritsuka could see. He had absolutely no idea what he was doing, but Mafuyu arched back and moans meant it had to be a good thing.

“Does this feel good?”

“Y-Yeah. Keep going.”

Ritsuka toyed at the waistband of his boxers. “Can I take these off?” he asked. When Mafuyu nodded, Ritsuka did so slowly, his hands shaking as he pulled Mafuyu’s boxers down his thighs, then his legs, and finally had him completely exposed. He had imagined this scene so many times before: Mafuyu straddling his thighs, naked above him, his body sheen with sweat and pleasure. He was beautiful.

“You too, Uenoyama-kun,” Mafuyu said, breaking him from his trance. He nodded and shimmied out of own pants, self-conscious at how hard he was. Mafuyu kissed him, first gentle and then hard, wrapping a hand around them both and motioning Ritsuka to do the same. The touch was foreign, nothing like how it was when he touched himself. Ritsuka flipped them over, Mafuyu now on his back and him perched over him, never separating their lips. His hand was wrapped around the hottest, most intimate part of Mafuyu, and it felt like a dream. 

“What’s next?” Ritsuka said against his lips. It occurred to him that, in the midst of his lust, he had no idea what _ did _ come next. His embarrassment furthered when Mafuyu, very bluntly, said:

“You’re supposed to prepare me with your fingers.” Ritsuka sputtered, and Mafuyu said, “if you don’t want to, I can do it.”

“N-No! I want to. I want to make you feel good.” His entire body was on fire, and he couldn’t tell if it was from embarrassment or arousal at this point. “I think I know the gist of it.” 

He grabbed the bottle of lube sitting at the edge of the bed and spread it over his fingers then, very carefully, pushed a lubricated finger into the tight heat of Mafuyu’s body. Mafuyu jolted, and Ritsuka was about to remove his finger when Mafuyu grabbed his free hand and laced their fingers together, kissing his cheek. Ritsuka took hold of that brief moment of intimacy to kiss Mafuyu on the forehead before continuing. He inserted a second finger and then a third, and watched as Mafuyu squirmed below him. He was the reason Mafuyu was like this. He was the one making Mafuyu come apart. He reveled in that moment. 

As he removed his fingers Mafuyu winced slightly, and Ritsuka paused before Mafuyu gave him a nod of approval, and he reached for the foil package and pulled the condom out. 

“Let me help you,” Mafuyu said, and Ritsuka held back a moan as Mafuyu rolled the condom on. “Now just do it like you did with your fingers.” 

“Yes, I’ve caught onto that now,” Ritsuka said, and Mafuyu smiled. He leaned Mafuyu back down, positioning himself above him. “Ready?” 

Mafuyu responded in the form of a kiss, wrapping his arms around his neck and he pulled him down for their lips to meet. “I’m ready.” 

Ritsuka positioned himself where he wanted to be and made the first experimental push into Mafuyu’s body. He was tight, and for a moment he wondered if he had adequately prepared him. Mafuyu cried out as Ritsuka pressed forward, wrapping his legs around Ritsuka and digging his nails into his back. Ritsuka swallowed a curse, and when he was all the way inside he looked down at Mafuyu, whose eyes had collected with tears. 

“I love you,” he whispered, joining their hands. “I love you so much, Mafuyu.” 

“Uenoyama-kun—” 

“Call me Ritsuka. I want you to call me Ritsuka.” 

“Ri...tsuka. Ri…” Whatever Mafuyu was about to say was caught in the back of his throat as Ritsuka thrust into him, very slowly and steadily, being attentive not to hurt Mafuyu. They quickly found their rhythm, Mafuyu matching the movements of his hips with Ritsuka’s shallow thrusts. Ritsuka held onto him like he was something precious; he was something precious. He wanted his moment to last forever, wanted the sounds of Mafuyu’s revelry ingrained in his mind forever.

“Mafuyu, I’m close.”

“Ritsuka...Ritsuka.” 

That was all it took for Ritsuka’s arousal to spiral out of control. He came with Mafuyu’s head buried in his shoulder, letting out a muffled sob, and felt the explicit pleasure of Mafuyu’s own release under him. Their breathing was heavy, ragged with the aftershocks of climax, and Ritsuka used what little strength he had to pull himself out and toss the condom in the trash can before collapsing onto Mafuyu. They stayed like that, unmoving, Ritsuka’s head on Mafuyu’s heart, listening to pulse in his chest.

After a few moments, Mafuyu spoke. “Can I get a towel, Uenoyama-kun?” 

Ritsuka shot up. “Oh, uh, yeah. Go for it.” Mafuyu left and returned with a towel from the bathroom, wiping both of their bodies clean before curling up next to him. Ritsuka kissed his temple, stroking his hair. “From now on, I want you to tell me when something is bothering you.” 

“Mm.” He snuggled closer to Ritsuka’s chest.

“And I want you to rely on me.” 

“Mm.”

“Are you even listening?”

The response Ritsuka got was the quiet snores coming from Mafuyu, his body rising and falling with the steadiness of his breathing. Ritsuka sighed before kissing him on the head and covered them both with the comforter, wrapping his arms around him, holding him close. They would probably get scolded by Haruki later for sleeping through practice, and would probably be teased by Akihiko. But Ritsuka was in love. And that was all that mattered.

**Author's Note:**

> Lmao I cried writing this.


End file.
